Saturday, October 20, 2012

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter...

Tonight the city is like a painting from Edward Hopper. It's perfectly construed, but lonely. The wind blows through the flag on the poll, but it is only just the wind. Nothing else. Just wind. The buildings stand alone in the darkness & my body moves through them like paper through skin, leaving a small but painful cut. There are no sounds, only openness, and the slight hope for something new...something...
Only you can't put your finger on it, it's on the tip of your tongue. As your mind rattles, you continue walking ... or at least that's what I did.
I walked underneath the elevated train tracks of Chicago's Brown line; walked to find an open diner, open bar, some form of life. Nothing.
I grew hungrier and more complacent.
I went down the stairs into the subway station. It smelled like piss. It always smelled, like piss.
The CTA workers were MIA so i pushed the handicap gate open and walked through, hoping I'd get caught & corrected...but still, nothing.
I walked down the silent tunnel of concrete and waited. I kicked a piece of  asphalt into the tracks. It echoed the faintest of echos. Minutes went by. I sat down on the bench and waited for my train to come.
& waited.
& waited.
Finally I heard the wind rush through the walk, I could see the lights on the head of that metal devil. It slowed as it saw me. The doors opened & I stepped inside. My subway car was filled with bums curled into balls trying to escape the cold. Even their presence didn't affect me the way it should have, it was still as though nobody was there. I was ultimately alone. I found a seat just before my train car jerked into life as it was free like a bull from its pin.
I didn't know where I was going to. I just knew I needed to get away from my corner of the universe; try something new. So That's exactly what I did. I'm not even going to say where I ended up; that information is unimportant, but I will say that I found a place to call home, and I burned the bridge leading my life back to it.

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